Today's Rant: Social Networking Sites

Social networking sites suck.

Really, how many of them are there now? According to Wikipedia, about a billion… Perhaps I'm exaggerating, but I realized this morning how totally pointless they all are.

Where else but a social networking site can someone have a private conversation with a friend, only to have that friend post the gist of said conversation as their "status update" -- eradicating all notions of privacy by publishing the topic on what is essentially an internet billboard?

I made a Myspace account way back when because a great deal of people in my life "insisted" that I get with the times, and it was just as bad as I thought. Countless ads, slow response time, too many teenagers, spammed bulletin boards and an inbox full of friend requests from Naked-Chick-of-the-Moment (or worse). Lovely. Just what I wanted… to avoid. These days, I think I log into my Myspace account maybe twice a year. I'm too lazy to even delete it - which is a testament to how little I care.

Then came Facebook. Once again I was bombarded with emails "insisting" I make a Facebook account, that Myspace sucks (duh!) and Facebook is the new thing, so much better, blah blah blah. So, perforce, I signed up. And it was cool for all of about the five minutes in which I found a couple of people I hadn't spoken to since high school. After that? Just another stupid site. Instead of ads, we've got apps. Countless, pointless apps. Do I need a ones-and-zeros version of someone to give me a virtual hug or buy me a virtual drink? No, I don't, because that's what real fucking people are for. Do I need the same person to constantly send "Become a fan of ME!" requests -- that I have obviously repeatedly rejected -- to my box once every three days? No, I don't, because if I wanted to be a fan of whatever you're doing, I would have showed up at your show.

Facebook is better than Myspace -- which ain't saying much -- but I managed to get sick of it a lot faster than Myspace, believe it or not. I'm leaning towards deleting my account on there, too… although I'm sure if I merely deleted half the people on my "friends" list, I would be much happier. Why? Because -- besides the unappreciated snarky comments I get on the things I personally choose to share -- I've noticed that suddenly my Facebook begins to resemble one of the other evil monsters, Twitter. Status updates from EVERYONE, every five minutes. I can't sleep. Here I am at the coffee shop. Mmm, coffee. Here I am five minutes later eating the bagel that I ordered. Now I am walking out the door. Now I am smoking a cigarette and deciding where to go next. This is what is playing on my Ipod.

Can you hear the sound of me gagging? Should I find an app so you can?

I guess I was wrong, but I thought that's what Twitter was for: to "tweet" (rolls eyes) your every breath to the world -- and allow people like me to avoid having to look at it. But unfortunately the concept has migrated (or maybe at first I didn't have enough "friends" to drive me crazy), and I guess the only way I'll be able to keep a Facebook account and not go bonkers is to delete all these people who post something pointless 20 times a day. Not everything has to be important, witty or brilliant, but write something interesting, for Pete's sake! "I wrote a new song" -- awesome. "I've got a doctor's appointment" -- I'll be thinking good thoughts for you. "I wish I was somewhere else right now" -- understandable. But most of my "friends" are mere aquaintances (my close friends don't need a SNS to keep tabs on me) so I totally don't care what you had for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don't care if you need to go to the store, and I could give a shit about your household chores. If I cared, I'd ask.

In truth, the idea of spewing the details of my whole life on the internet makes me cringe. Such a thing is on my 'What's Wrong With The World Today' list.

Don't get me wrong: I don't mind finding out what's up with my family all in one place (and I will never delete my family, no matter what you post, because you are family). And if everyone would rather hide behind a photograph and a messaging system than to give out their email addresses, that's fine too. About the only thing I find that's cool is getting invites from bands to see performances I probably would not have otherwise known about. But beyond that? Ugh. It's just not worth it.